Nope, not even close! Not to fear, this sparky stuff is not really that hard.
OK, take a step back and look at what a relay is and what you want to do:
Think of a relay as an "IF THEN" ie. IF the tank selector is engaged, THEN engaged the heater. when current is flowing through the IF the relay flips an internal switch for another totally independent circuit. Typically this is used so that you can use a low current source to engage a high current application.
As far as wiring, you first add the relay to the "IF" circuit: there will be a wire leaving the selector switch that goes "ON" and "OFF" with the switch; cut that wire and connect one end to 85 and one to 86. The current will flow through the relay uninteruped and activate the tank selector valve as it did before. You now have an active relay switch; connect a +12V source to pin 30, if you connect directly to the battery, get a 30A breaker and install that close to the battery, trust me on this. If you don't already have a $5 tester light; get one, you need to be able to see what is HOT and what is not. Connect EITHER 87 or 87A to the heater + and ground the heater -. You could just guess and it will either be correct or backwards (on when you want it off and off when you want it one).
Google "how a relay works" , take a look at the schematic that comes with the relay and play around with it a bit. You will have a clear understanding of it by the time you are finished.
Leon
WVOdesigns